Following God’s Game Plan To A “T”
He arrived at the press conference podium about an hour and a half late. His hair was poofy like an afro. But not an ordinary afro. Call it a juicy fro cause it had a loose and bouncy texture to it. I bet he spent hours in front of a mirror over moisturizing it. Maybe that’s why he’s so late. He had on a pair of sunglasses with frames that were about four sizes too big which made him look even more the character than he was.
The press had waited patiently as if he were a rock star being cheered for a curtain call to come back out and perform one more hit tune. At the very least you’d think he were a star player caught up in his own ego, a bona-fide prima-donna. But he wasn’t a rock star or a star player. He was the coach. The head coach of the Londonville Surfers. A team that had just won their third game. One would think they just won the championship or something. If you were watching the press conference on your television all you would see is his head. I bet it took up the entire screen a la Big Brother from George Orwell’s 1984.
The first question lobbed his way he knocked it out the park. “How do you feel after getting the win”? “I feel we’re on our way to win the championship. I mean all we have to do is get the next two and we’re there.” Say what? This was ridiculous if not laughable, and drew a gasp from the captive audience at hand. For even if they were to win the next two games his team would only be 5-1. The 86 game season was just getting underway. But this was how he rolled. This is why the press waited an hour and a half to hear him speak. You never knew what would escape his mouth. Being in his presence was standing room only and watching from home was must see t.v.
Not only did he speak about winning a championship, he boasted about how he was going to do it. When he spoke you had to wonder was he joking or was his mind living in another reality than his body. If he knocked the first question out the park the next left the stratosphere. What did you say at halftime to get your team back in this game?
“I expect our team to respond when facing adversity. That’s why I spotted our opponent a few points. To come back from 33 down at the half was part of my plan and it was executed to a “T”. I thank all My Sons but mostly I thank myself because it was my plan.”
The Coach
He called his players “My Sons” because they played for him and his last name was MiSuhn. Coach Ogilve MiSuhn. You can’t make this stuff up. This guy was truly amazing. Nothing like we had ever seen before.
As the season progressed the team racked up victory after victory. But no matter how well the team performed and despite their miraculous comebacks from seemingly insurmountable deficits all we could think about was the press conference following the game. We all waited eagerly for games to end and the post-game conference to begin. With each passing postgame appearance his outfits got more and more elaborate, his sunglasses seemed to get larger and darker and his speech more and more bombastic.
The demand to hear the coach speak was nearing Beetles mania. By the middle of the season and at the request of fans and press alike, post games conferences were being held center court following the game. Despite the fact that post game conferences were now being held center court, the coach would exit the court and have the press and fans wait to then make his grand re-appearance about an hour and a half later. No one left the games early and some fans didn’t even arrive until the fourth quarter. This had never been seen and was not afforded any other team.
The championship game finally arrived. Just as the coach predicted, the Londonville team had made it to the big game. The culmination of a long and exciting season had come to its finality. How would the team play? What would coach say post game. The fans were ecstatic. The electricity in the area was palpable. The game was one of the best all season. It was an exciting back and forth battle but in the end Londonville won by 14 points after being down 44.
The crowd was going wild. Deafening chants of Coach! Coach! Coach! ravaged the arena. The championship trophy was brought out by the league commissioner and was passed to each of the teammates on the Londonville team. The trophy finally arrived in the hands of the coach. The crowd cheered louder than ever. The coach signaled for the fans to calm down. They finally silenced in anticipation of what the coach may say.
This was the first time the coach didn’t make us wait the usual hour and a half. After a series of questions thrown the coach’s way and after the coach answered each question in his typical bombastic fashion the moderator called for one last question. Being caught up in the spectacle of it all, I realized I never asked a single question all season, but this was the championship, the final game of the season. This would be my very last opportunity.
Without hesitation, I blurted my question. “After such a long and grueling season that you somehow predicted from the very beginning, tell me what your secret is?”
Out of character he lowered his head. He even removed his sunglasses which I thought were somehow attached to his face. He raised his head and said very candidly “God showed me a vision and I executed that vision exactly the way God wanted. I wear these large dark sunglasses because each time I did exactly what God was showing me the visions would grow bigger and brighter.
The visions would come directly after each game and would usually take me about an hour and a half to transcribe which is why I was always late to post game conferences. The clothes I wear may seem flamboyant to all of you but it’s my way of expressing the joy I received from what God was showing me. The point deficits we had to overcome were a test of my faith in God’s plan.”
As he was saying this I couldn’t help but to think that this must be how the people in Noah’s day must have felt watching Noah execute God’s plan in building a gigantic arc for a doomsday flood that no one believed would ever come.
He wrapped up the conference by thanking God, his sons, his opponent and the many fans in attendance and those watching worldwide. He then dropped the mic and exited the arena. The fans are still on their feet cheering, wanting one last encore from the coach.
Without hesitation, I blurted my question. “After such a long and grueling season that you somehow predicted from the very beginning, tell me what your secret is?”
Out of character he lowered his head. He even removed his sunglasses which I thought were somehow attached to his face. He raised his head and said very candidly
“God showed me a vision and I executed that vision exactly the way God wanted. I wear these large dark sunglasses because each time I did exactly what God was showing me the visions would grow bigger and brighter.
The visions would come directly after each game and would usually take me about an hour and a half to transcribe which is why I was always late to post game conferences. The clothes I wear may seem flamboyant to all of you but it’s my way of expressing the joy I received from what God was showing me. The point deficits we had to overcome were a test of my faith in God’s plan.”
As he was saying this I couldn’t help but to think that this must be how the people in Noah’s day must have felt watching Noah execute God’s plan in building a gigantic arc for a doomsday flood that no one believed would ever come.
He wrapped up the conference by thanking God, his sons, his opponent and the many fans in attendance and those watching worldwide. He then dropped the mic and exited the arena. The fans are still on their feet cheering, wanting one last encore from the coach.
